As Time Goes By.....

A little bit about EVERYTHING.. Family , friends , life, death,rants and raves. Just a place for me to get it all out of my system..

Location: Arkansas, United States

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Chili Cook Off

*Warning - If you can read this whole story without laughing out loud, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end.

*Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is.

*They actually have a chili cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio city park. The notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

*Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light beer truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

*Here are the scorecards from the event: Frank is Judge #3.

*Chili # 1 - Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili.

*Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

*Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

*Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy sh*t! What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

*Chili # 2 - Austin's Afterburner Chili.

*Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

*Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

*Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

*Chili # 3 - Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili.

*Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

*Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

*Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

*Chili # 4 - Dave's Black Magic.

*Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

*Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.

*Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

*Chili # 5 - Lisa's Legal Lip Remover.

*Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

*Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

*Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticked me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

*Chili # 6 - Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety.

*Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

*Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

*Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I sh*t on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

*Chili # 7 - Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...

*Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

*Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.

*Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

*Chili # 8 - Karen's Toenail Curling Chili.

*Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

*Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Bear coming out of hibernation

This is the cutest bear of all !!!"Hibernation" - "Nap"
it all means the same darn thing
and I don't want any part of it ...

Saturday, March 25, 2006

March 24th

Here I am on my "official " 2 month birthday !! March 24, 2006
This is my bear suit and I really like it !
Grandma will put more pictures here later
when I have then entire suit on.
I am going to visit Grandma & Grandpa in about
3 weeks.They live in Arkansas and guess what ?!?!?
My dad is going to be flying the plane that me and mom are
riding on. I'm not sure what a plane is - but Mom & Dad will
be there to so it must be a fun thing !!!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Jack @ 2 months

Jack Thomas Hester
2 months
Jack went to the doctor yesterday
He weighed in at:
12lbs 14 oz
And he is:
23 1/4" tall

Monday, March 13, 2006

Sweet Dreams

Here is the newest picture of Jack..
Serena titled this one
"Sweet Dreams"


Saturday, March 11, 2006

Emotional Waves

What an odd day this has been,
It just feels like something is off center again.
I cannot put my finger on it or give it a voice ,
but I know that something is not right.
Before I forget Happy Birthday Hope,
I wish wish you many many more .
I feel like my soul is being shaken today,
is it to make me slow down ,
or to make me move faster to catch or
stop something. These days cause me
a lot of unease. I do not know which way to
turn and I do not know why.. I know that somebody
needs me to see them because they are sending all of this
strange and chaotic energy to me . Who is
needing me and why-- I wish they would just
put it in front of me . I cannot help if I
cannot touch the problem.
Who are you and why are you hiding -- come forward
Do not put this stress on me , we all know I do
best when things are laid in front of me 
 or screamed at me .
I am not a mind reader -- well maybe I am , but I
must not be a very good one because I am
confused today. I know the full moon is approaching ,
but I do not think that is why I am having these
emotional waves. This feel different.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


It is official-- I have hit the "OLD" category !!
I now have no line bifocals
and also have a problem with tone deafness.

I don't know if to many concert had anything
to do with the hearing loss- or if I am
just getting OLD !!!
Who knew that standing next to the stage to
get a better view and be part of the music
would catch up with you 25 years later.

Now that I have my granny glasses,
I have discovered the reason I don't go
thru as many disposable razors as
I used to. I used to have to shave
my legs every week--


I was not running around with Sasquatch legs-
I just never had much hair on my legs or arms..
I never shaved my legs above the
knees- Never needed to.

Well with the new glasses, I know why I am
not shaving my legs as much.
That way I have more time to dedicate to
the grooming of the catfish whiskers
that I have developed..
Yes- 3 hairs
at the corners of my mouth- YES,both sides.
Like a female fu-manchu


It seems that my body hair is moving north.
I also have discovered three long hairs on the
back of my left leg-- Only my left leg
If I would gel them , I could line them up and
call it a seam in my orthopedic stockings.
* * * * *
How can this be happening to the woman that
could party all night - drink with the big boys
and still go to Great America the next morning
and ride all of the roller coasters while consuming
"the breakfast of champions" that had been
ever so carefully poured into silly little juice bottles..
* * * * * * *
Golden years my ass...

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Jack in his big boy clothes !!

Look at me -- No jammies !!! Mom says she is going to let me start wearing the outfits that all of our family and friends have sent us .. I will be doing a weekly fashion show now..

GQ-- I am ready for my debut ...

Sooo here we go,

This is what every well dress young man should wear for a trip to the grocery store.

Jack is 5 weeks old ....

Poem for Jack

A poem for Serena & Jack
from Jack's Great Great Aunt Joan
Little Jack Hester,
His Mama he would pester.

When he would cry,
To his cradle she would fly.

With hair soft as silk,
He lay sipping his milk.

Now Mama could enjoy
Her precious baby boy.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Jack Thomas at 5 weeks

I don't need no
stinkin' robe !!

I'm tough I tell ya --
I'm really TOUGH !!!

Happy Baby Jack !!!
Jack just had his 5 week check up--
the results are :
10 # 12 oz
22" tall